i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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