i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
