I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
