; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
tell your sister to shave her snatch
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he shaved USA in his pubs
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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