i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
