Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
