STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
