I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
