All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
