Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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