Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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