she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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