I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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