I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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