My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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