i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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