In the future we'll all be gay
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
