Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
