I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
