I cannot find my penis.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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