my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
