i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
