I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
