shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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