Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize