I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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