yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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