He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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