College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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