We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
