I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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