dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
