i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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