come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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