is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
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I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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