So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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