Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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