Do vagina's smell?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
