Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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