are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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