I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
