he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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