Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
