I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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