Where did you get a picture of my penis
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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