today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
ttyl tear gas
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
