dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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