he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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