Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
