this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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