What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
