just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
