I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
