Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
