You smell like stripper and shame
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
