how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
