So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
