Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Say something about gay babies.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
