the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
