god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
