i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
