I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
