I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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