I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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