I met the friendliest cop last night
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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