We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
