bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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