Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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