You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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