I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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