If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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