um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
