I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
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Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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