My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
