i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
