PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
