I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
