i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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