If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
