My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
