i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
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I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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