you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
