i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
