Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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