i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
