apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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