there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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