I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
