I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
