I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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