How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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